Game Over: what planning a wedding is to men

Now that we've gotten into media for women, the wedding industry has become a major topic. But why is it such a big deal? There's no doubt that women are more wedding oriented then men are. But the proposal itself is still up to the man. However, women typically, not always are in charge of the wedding/reception itself, while the man goes off and does whatever he wants. His only job is to pay for it. Or, his parent's job in one tradition which I still don't understand. Personally, what this tells me is that while a man gets to choose his wife, everything else is off limits and "girly." I don't understand this because if HE'S the one who wants to get married in the first place shouldn't he get more of a say in what goes on? Why can't it be equal on both sides? If women are expected to take charge of every last detail of "the most important day of her life," isn't that just saying, okay, after this HE gets to rule everything?


I decided to take a look at a book called GROOMOLOGY by Michael Essany, which was given to me by my fiance's mother after I proposed to her. Groomology is a book about what every (smart) groom needs to know before the wedding. In the introduction, Essany states "planning what will hopefully be the happiest day of her life can be the most emotionally taxing and physically exhausting experience of her lifetime." Okay, when I first became engaged everyone gave me the speech about how stressful it is and how much it changes the woman's behavior. I'm sorry to say, it does. Soon as she knows she's going to be marrying you, something CLICKS. And all that pressure that is put on them to have the happiest day of their lives becomes very stressful. What I'm wondering now that I'm taking this class is if that is because of something subconscious or if it is because of the constant media pressure women are exposed to. It could be biological female behavior or it could be a social construction, or both.  I do think it should be the happiest day of your life. Its a celebration of love, after all. But if your both in love with each other, the happiness should be 50/50. Granted, it shouldn't be all downhill from there. After all there is so much more to accomplish then marriage.

However, the author of this book has an approach to being a groom that I like. "Never again will attending the wedding be the marrying man's most pressing responsibility." In other words, you better help her out. A popular tradition is to have your Bachelor Party the night before wedding. Yeah, not a good idea.




Not all the pressure of marriage is put on women though. Men are expected to ask women to marry them, to be the lead in which step their relationship will take next. And if your over thirty and your not married people start asking questions. Are you gay? Whats wrong? Commitment shy? Yet at the same time marriage to a man is considered the ultimate subservience. The idea of marriage being a way for a man to rule over a household and be in charge of his wife is a little outdated nowadays. If your romantic, your weak. If you let her have a say in what YOU do, your whipped and can't stand up for yourself. I think of a quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. "If the man is the head of the household, then the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants."
I worked for a guy who's friends would ask him, "how's the boss?" meaning, "How's the wife doing?"  And most married men I've talk to will admit, its not about them anymore.

If equality between the sexes is ever going to be obtainable we need to change the way we view the American wedding. Weddings change things, that's a fact. But the traditions and symbols don't match up with dynamics of the modern day couple.  Oh, and if your thinking popping the question you should really read Groomology. It might just save you from Bridezilla.