Porn: something no one wants to talk about but almost everyone has seen

In class, we started talking about one of the most interesting, yet awkward subjects to talk about: Pornography. And I don't just say "interesting," because it involves nudity and sex. I say interesting, because its something that is considered so taboo, so shameful, yet so normal at the same time. In the film we watched in class, it was stated that the porn industry makes an estimated ten to fourteen BILLION dollars a year. That's a lot of money. More then any other form of media combined. But why? Is it because of it's availability? The majority of Porn that people look at nowadays is internet porn. Websites make their money from advertising and you can't go onto a single website without seeing some from of advertising. Ever notice how the more popular Youtube became, the more advertisements it became laced with? Sex sells, period. Whether its literal sex or suggestive sex, or a product that promises to get you sex. Whether we like it or not, we all at some point or another have bought something for that reason. And lets face it, Old Spice has definitely got it right. 


The other element to why Porn sells so well is the sexual fantasy it promises to fulfill. We all read books and watch movies to get inside fictional character's minds. To feel like we're witches, wizards, superheros, rock stars, or whatever. We can't all be these things, however. And lets face it, not everyone can get the kind of sex they want. If we did, the porn industry wouldn't be making so much money. It's not that we can't get sex. We can. But it's hard to find people who are interested in the same things you are and willing to do certain "favors." Also, for most, it takes a significant amount of work in order to get sex. With Porn, you can skip past flirting, dating and the hard work of a relationship. Its just a click away. Of course, you'll still be alone.

The Porn industry's fan base is almost all, not shockingly, men. But what I find interesting is that studies have been done that women actually have a stronger sex drive then men. Just one that is not as frequent. The stereotype is that men just want sex. Plain, simple sex. No commitment, no emotional attachment, no strings attached. And it might be true and some cases, that men look more towards the physical, pleasurable aspects of sex rather then the emotions that come along with it. And God forbid, love. But we've seen on shows like Sex and the City, that women enjoy having sex this way too. The entire pilot episode of the show was all about casual sex. Sure, more then often they are ridiculed for it, by being called "sluts" and "whores." But if they weren't so often criticized, would we still view things this way? 
I've actually asked people questions about this. Most women say that they prefer something with a plot. Just plain sex is not a turn on. It's also because the people who make porn are almost all men, so what they film is biased towards heterosexual men. I am sure that no women wants to watch something that makes her feel bad about herself. Or rather, if the actress doesn't look like they're enjoying it, then it can't be good. Most women who actually do watch, or have watched porn, watch Erotica. Erotica, also known as soft-core porn is simply porn without the penis. Most Erotica involves a plot, often a parody of another film. Most men don't like Erotica because it doesn't show enough. It's considered boring. Wait, more heterosexual men want to see male genitalia then women? Sounds a bit off to me. The thing about most Erotica, however, is that it is not as degrading to women.

Herein, lies the problem with porn. Something that could be relatively harmless becomes offensive and degrading. There is nothing wrong with sex. We all know that. But an industry that the media likes to glamorize, that seems like such a good way for young women (and men) to make money becomes much darker and honestly, sad, then we need to do something about it. Yes, its good money, but its often short lived and the processes that women go through in order to get into it are sickening.
Personally, if the actors and actresses don't look like they're enjoying it, then its not something that I want to see.

Is Max the new Jack?

The recent TV show HAPPY ENDINGS or as I like to call it, "Friends with a gay character and a black character," is an excellent example of what contemporary television is in the 21st century. HAPPY ENDINGS borrows the storyline of a group of friends all with different backgrounds and different story lines each with their own unique character quirks and flaws who all live in close vicinity with each other. It takes its comic exaggeration and style of humor from popular shows such Will and Grace, Friends and Sex and the City. One of the most interesting is Max.
Max is gay, but you wouldn't guess that from looking at him on the outside. Unlike most gay male characters of the nineties, like Jack or Will, he is overweight. He's attractive, yes, but not exactly stylish. It's never quite clear what Max does for a living. He is much like Jack in the sense that he's a bit of a freeloader, yet he somehow always has money. He's more what you would think of as a laid back heterosexual guy. He's not necessarily promiscuous, in fact he is much less so then all of the other characters on the show who are straight. He is a bit ridiculous though, but he's not the only one. Everyone else on the show is a bit silly and easy to laugh at because we can see that they are just caricatures of ourselves. If anything, Max is not a caricature of a gay man, but a caricature of a slacker, who tries his hardest to get out of work and make as much money as possible without working a real job.
Another thing about the show that I think is important is that they were not afraid to show guy on guy kissing when Max gets back together with his old boyfriend. He woos him by lighting candles outside his apartment. The writers of the show might as well scream, "They are just like us!"  And what's the big deal about showing men kissing anyway? It is probably stems from the fact that so many heterosexual men take pleasure in watching women kiss, while most heterosexual woman don't necessarily enjoy watching men kiss. The other factor is that so many men, even those who claim to have no problem with gay people are still extremely homophobic in the sense that they think guy-on-guy is gross. The more they see it on the TV however, the more likely they are to change their minds and simply get used to it.

Game Over: what planning a wedding is to men

Now that we've gotten into media for women, the wedding industry has become a major topic. But why is it such a big deal? There's no doubt that women are more wedding oriented then men are. But the proposal itself is still up to the man. However, women typically, not always are in charge of the wedding/reception itself, while the man goes off and does whatever he wants. His only job is to pay for it. Or, his parent's job in one tradition which I still don't understand. Personally, what this tells me is that while a man gets to choose his wife, everything else is off limits and "girly." I don't understand this because if HE'S the one who wants to get married in the first place shouldn't he get more of a say in what goes on? Why can't it be equal on both sides? If women are expected to take charge of every last detail of "the most important day of her life," isn't that just saying, okay, after this HE gets to rule everything?


I decided to take a look at a book called GROOMOLOGY by Michael Essany, which was given to me by my fiance's mother after I proposed to her. Groomology is a book about what every (smart) groom needs to know before the wedding. In the introduction, Essany states "planning what will hopefully be the happiest day of her life can be the most emotionally taxing and physically exhausting experience of her lifetime." Okay, when I first became engaged everyone gave me the speech about how stressful it is and how much it changes the woman's behavior. I'm sorry to say, it does. Soon as she knows she's going to be marrying you, something CLICKS. And all that pressure that is put on them to have the happiest day of their lives becomes very stressful. What I'm wondering now that I'm taking this class is if that is because of something subconscious or if it is because of the constant media pressure women are exposed to. It could be biological female behavior or it could be a social construction, or both.  I do think it should be the happiest day of your life. Its a celebration of love, after all. But if your both in love with each other, the happiness should be 50/50. Granted, it shouldn't be all downhill from there. After all there is so much more to accomplish then marriage.

However, the author of this book has an approach to being a groom that I like. "Never again will attending the wedding be the marrying man's most pressing responsibility." In other words, you better help her out. A popular tradition is to have your Bachelor Party the night before wedding. Yeah, not a good idea.




Not all the pressure of marriage is put on women though. Men are expected to ask women to marry them, to be the lead in which step their relationship will take next. And if your over thirty and your not married people start asking questions. Are you gay? Whats wrong? Commitment shy? Yet at the same time marriage to a man is considered the ultimate subservience. The idea of marriage being a way for a man to rule over a household and be in charge of his wife is a little outdated nowadays. If your romantic, your weak. If you let her have a say in what YOU do, your whipped and can't stand up for yourself. I think of a quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. "If the man is the head of the household, then the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants."
I worked for a guy who's friends would ask him, "how's the boss?" meaning, "How's the wife doing?"  And most married men I've talk to will admit, its not about them anymore.

If equality between the sexes is ever going to be obtainable we need to change the way we view the American wedding. Weddings change things, that's a fact. But the traditions and symbols don't match up with dynamics of the modern day couple.  Oh, and if your thinking popping the question you should really read Groomology. It might just save you from Bridezilla.

Beauty and the Beast: what messsage does it send to boys and girls?

We all know the story of Beauty and the Beast. The version we are most familiar with is that of Disney. At first glance it might just seem like what it is, a fairy tale cartoon adaptation, which is what Disney does so well. But is there a message worth examining a little closer? It was the first animated film to me nominated for an Oscar after all. 

When I first was took a look at the movie (I was watching it with my girlfriend, don't judge me) I noticed how Belle is ridiculed in the little town she lives in for being so into books. This is clearly shown in the film's opening musical number "Little Town." What? Women can't read? Nowadays, it seems that more women read then men, at least when it comes to fiction. I read something recently that studies show more women read then men with an average of nine books a year versus five. I can't put my finger on why, but it seems like reading is considered to be unmanly nowadays, that you should instead watch an action movie. But since this is story book land set in what seems to be 1800's France, back when women weren't allowed to go to college, I can see how it would be considered strange for her to be such a bookworm. But this is BEAUTY and the Beast, so she is pretty good looking. Her name is "Belle" which translates to beautiful.

 At first I was thinking, okay, this movie is telling us that she needs to be more girly, more worried about keeping herself pretty and finding a handsome husband. But as the film went on I realized that it is trying to send a much different message to both young men and women. First of all, the premise of the story is that "The Beast," as he is referred to, was once a handsome young prince. He was extremely vain and proud of himself. When someone who appeared to be an old hag appeared at his doorstep asking for shelter from the rain he refused to help her. Turns out, she was a beautiful witch. She cast a spell on him that made him turn into a beast like man in punishment for his arrogance. In order to reverse the curse he has to make someone love him for who he is. 
Basically, the message here is love someone for whats on the inside, not whats on the outside. 

Male arrogance and focus on good looks are continually punished throughout, not just with the premise of the story but for example, the character Gaston, who is obsessed with marrying Belle.  Gaston is essentially a "man's man."
He's attractive, muscular with "with biceps to spare" and not to mention, "every inch of him's covered in hair." He represents the ideal man, complete with three groupies that swoon over him constantly during song. Yet somehow he can't get Belle to fall in love with him.

When Belle ends up in the Beast's castle, at first shes terrified by his appearance and lack of manners. He's stronger than an ox and meets every situation with anger and physicality, not unlike the action heroes of today, like one of my favorites, John Mclane. But all of these qualities don't do him any good. Why? Because he's fallen in love with Belle and no matter what he does he can't physically get her to fall back in love with him. So what must he do? Become tame.
  He has his castle servants, who have all literally turned into household objects, dress him and show him how to be polite, stand up straight like a man. He must learn good table manners and etiquette in order to win Belle over. What does he give her instead of good looks? Something Gaston, the manly man would never even think of. An enormous library.

What this says to girls is, you have the control. Yes, a man could physically force you into doing something you don't want to. There's no doubt that men have more upper body strength and are bigger then women. But, women have the power of influence. Belle is terrified of Beast at first, but eventually realizes she can counteract his anger with words. She refuses to let him keep her in the castle, that is, unless its on her terms. They form a stockholme syndrome-like relationship and the closer they get, the more Beast shows his emotions and how vulnerable he really is. Personally, I find Belle a better role model for girls then say, Snow White for example. Snow White needed a man to come rescue her from her sleep. Belle on the other hand, rescues Beast from his curse.

What it says to boys is a little different. Lets face it, sex sells. Want the cleavage? Trim yourself up and get some manners. Oh, and don't forget to show some emotion. Girls like to see you vulnerable every now and then. I actually think this is positive, even if subconsciously it's about sex. Instead of saying, okay, being muscular and arrogant is good in this case its a bad thing. In the end of the film Gaston, who is handsome, dies and Beast lives. So instead of rewarding the old version of masculinity, it punishes it. Beast, who has shown us his sensitive side is the one who gets the girl in the end. Then of course, the curse is lifted and what was inside that big, ugly beast? This guy: 
 



The idea that a woman could influence a man in such a way is indeed, a tale as old as time.